The PP Diary Llani - ‘The intentional Weekend’
Llani and I crossed paths at a local gym in Burleigh. I remember meeting Llani and thinking how REAL she felt. It was really refreshing. We have since connected over social media through a joint passion of supporting Mamas in Postpartum. Llani’s interview is just as she seems, real and authentic. There is no sugar coating, just a true, raw account of what Postpartum truly was like for her. I hope you enjoy reading it. If you want to follow along her journey to supporting Mamas with their mental health, she is a terrific resource. She is @theintentionalweekend on Instagram.
llani, moved to the Gold Coast when she was 21 with intentions to stay for 6 months until she met her now husband cory and never left. He must have truly captured her heart. Together, they have three beautiful boys, coda 3 and Ari 1 and Lenni, a beautiful baby delivered recently.
After becoming a Mama and experiencing some quite low times and heartbreaking moments, Llani felt called to leave her career as a nurse to pursue a business which she calls “The Intentional Weekend”. She uses her clinical background, life experience and current studies to facilitate online programs and events to improve the mental health of Mums and parents. She is about to launch a coaching service to be a mindset and emotional guide to expecting or new mums as well. What a woman ! I hope you enjoy reading through her story as much as I did.
Q: Llani can you describe your experience with Postpartum in three words?
Unexpected, isolating, let down.
Q: What were two things you found the toughest and why? What helped you through these ?
The first thing would be unmet expectations. Firstly, with birth. My first birth turned into a shit show. I also didn’t expect to have such a tough recovery from that, mentally and physically. From there I found it hard to communicate with my husband my expectations I had of him, also with my family and inner circle of what I truly needed. What helped was finally speaking up. Asking for what I needed and coming up with a plan as a team of what would help me.
The other one would be change in identity. I was very career driven pre baby and found it hard to come to terms with being at home with a baby. I felt I lost purpose. Which then led me to feeling ashamed and guilty that I wasn’t getting that satisfaction from being a mum because I had wanted to for so long. What helped with that was letting go of outsider’s opinions and finding a balance of work, time for myself and time as a mum that helped fill all of my cups and led me to loving the new version of myself. I realised I didn’t have to fit just one role.
Q: What was the two best things and why?
The first best thing is getting to experience the world again through a little person’s lens. Everything is so new and exciting and it brings magic back to such small moments which is beautiful.
The next would be the bond I have with my kids. Knowing you are the most important person in the world to them is pretty special.
Q: What quote or piece of advice that was given to you stuck with through your motherhood journey ?
Good enough parenting is great parenting.
We sometimes get so caught up in making sure we get the milestone photos, pre bed massages with lavender oil, exactly how many mls should be in each bottle, making sure we use organic bathing products, sticking to a recommended sleep routine, the list is endless. You really can get in a mindset that you aren’t a good mum. Sometimes you need to allow yourself to catch a break. If it means putting on Netflix for your toddler while they eat a packet of scotch finger biscuits for lunch so you get a moment to recharge, that is okay. Time to recharge allows us to be a better person and a happier mum.
Q: What part of Postpartum do we not talk about enough?
I feel like we filter what we really feel. We say gosh I’m tired I didn’t get enough sleep. When in reality we are so sleep deprived that we ended up screaming at our baby to shut up breaking down, having to put them on the floor in their room and walking away because we needed a moment to regather from the intrusive thoughts of wanting to throw them out the window. I think the honest struggles of just how hard postpartum is, doesn’t get talked about enough because it is associated with guilt and shame that we aren’t enjoying this or fear of judgement that we aren’t a fit mother.
Q: What was one thing you wish you knew or you wish someone told you when you were a new mum?
I wish I knew how to advocate and speak up for myself more. This goes from pregnancy right through to postpartum. I let others’ opinions of what they think I should do, lead my choices too much. With our second bub, I did things so differently without any hesitation and it was a completely different experience from the get go. The second time around I always answered everyone with such confidence, they rarely questioned why I was doing something. For example, we chose to mix feed our second and if someone asked me if I was exclusively breastfeeding, I would reply “no we are mixed feeding and my mental health is so much better, my husband gets to bond with our newborn and our family couldn’t be happier with that decision”. I stopped leaving room for people to enforce their unsolicited opinions on me and stood up for myself and my family.
Q: Name three things you couldn’t live without in postpartum.
Pre-prepped meals in the freezer!!!!!!!! Absolute lifesaver. Ask your circle to drop something over leading up to your birth and freeze it. That way there also isn’t the pressure of visitors after birth even if they are bringing over food.
A life coach/psychologist I had both after my second and it was a game changer caring for my mental health, just like I would my physical. Having that support person to lean on and bring me back to a good frame of mind was invaluable and exactly why I’ve gone down that path with my business.
My frank green water bottle. You often get so thirsty post birth and if you are breast feeding. You also get trapped under a newborn sleeping and don’t want to move. So having a biggggg ass drink bottle that had a straw lid for ease of use with one hand was a game changer.
Thanks Llani for your openness, I know that there will be Mums out there who feel less alone because of this xx
